Sean’s Soundtracked Stories: A Walk In The Park
Posted: by The Alt Editing Staff
You ever have those moments when you figure out what a song is about, and then all of a sudden you run into a situation and the meaning slaps you in the face, either ironically or coincidentally? That happened to me this summer. The song being referenced is “Lotta Years” by Aesop Rock.
I live by a very prestigious, rich and pretentious high school out here in South Denver, Colorado. The “cool” things for these shit heads to do is come smoke pot at the park. Now that that’s out of the way, enjoy this odd experience about how I have grown to become the old fart of young people on the block.
It was a Tuesday morning. I had already been awake for what some people might consider an abnormal amount of time seeing as it was about seven in the morning. I had previously gotten drinks with a friend the night before and we may have indulged a little much. Needless to say, I was awake at three in the morning and did not really want to try and fall back asleep, let’s just ride this one out. My bed was comfy, but eh, I could find other things.
Around seven I decided to go walk in the park and listen to music. My mind was racing through everything. The night before, the previous months, the upcoming months. I was zoning out and creating my own bubble of space. The sun was out, people were moving already, water was being sprayed onto the grass via sprinklers that never seemed to shut off. Dogs were on leashes, clouds here and there, a few “good morning’s” to strangers to make sure they don’t catch onto how I really felt that morning, which was more than likely a bit of despair. I was tired.
And then on my walk home I encountered a bench loaded with strangers. Not just any strangers, but young strangers. The kind we all used to be, and when thinking back we face palm at things we used to do and go “really? The fuck was I thinking.” Four kiddos gathered in a ritualistic manner, perched on a bench, making some offering, either to Satan, their preppy parents or the Earth below. Glass object placed in the center, herbs being set ablaze. I wondered could it be magic, or some kind of way to talk to spirits? But my imagination transformed into reality before my eyes, as I realized they were just teenagers enjoying some recreational smoking. Suddenly, one of them took a look to the left and saw me. I must have appeared like a ghost out of thin air, what the hell was I doing there?
Their look scared me. It was a look of horror, an abnormal fear of what I might do. As if I was someone that might be offended by the type of ritual they were partaking in. It’s clear and obvious I look unwilling to participate. But the kid did not know was my state of affairs. Their need to escape had already happened to me. I had been where they are long ago.
There was a nervous energy circling the air in a whirl of smoke around those kids, as if I had become the very person they feared. A parent or teacher who would punish them for their bad behavior.
Then it dawned on me. I must not be cool anymore.
To have children think of me older than myself. To feel much wiser than I was before. To see the one lone girl in the car, horrified and wanting to leave. That is who I wanted to be. I felt weak, I felt despair, I felt out of place but no one asked how I even arrived there. Get me the fuck out of here.
I took a right and headed up my street and everything returned to normal, I never found any sleep.
– Sean Gonzalez
