Feature: Top 10 Cheekface Lyrics

Posted: by The Editor

Cheekface is a band that makes it hard to pick your favorite lyrics. There songs are full of whip-smart metaphors, relatable feelings, and winks to their fans (known officially as “cheekfreaks).Somehow able to be legitimately funny while holding up a mirror to the darkness of a late stage capitalist society where everything is on fire. They make existential crises catchy, apocalyptic musings earworm-worthy. 

My brain is incapable of ranking things I love, so instead this list is in chronological order album-wise. There are too many perfect one liners, satirical jokes, and humorous mantras to fit into a list like this, but hopefully these will inspire you to dive into Cheekface’s catalog and find the lyrics you love.

Therapy Island

“I Only Say I’m Sorry When I’m Wrong Now”

i only say i’m sorry when i’m wrong now

i only run the air when it’s warm out

i only text the friends that i like now

i only talk trash if i thought it out

everything’s OK, nothing is on fire

i already burned it all and it’s just ash now

i only drive the car if i can’t walk around

i only say i’m sorry when i’m wrong now

This one I had to put on the list because the title has become a mantra for me. There is wisdom to be found in Cheekface songs, and this one is a gem. I also sing “Everything’s OK, nothing is on fire” in my head all the time.

“Sexy National Anthem”

are you getting into welding?

well i think it will do wonders for your industrial cred

i am sleeping with my eyes open

mixing ZOLOFT and smartwater to make NyQuil for the soul

Sexy National Anthem is such a danceable track, which sometimes distracts from the lyrics. But inevitably while you’re singing along, these lyrics will hit and make you giggle. You also might unexplainably have an urge to weld something.

“Big Blank Destruction”

adult recreation and i’m losing every time

and if winning’s half the battle

i’ll take the other half, it’s fine

there’s a bunch of random rich guys in Male Feminists The Band

and, as Sufjan Stevens sang, “i want to hold your freakin’ hand”

now i’m dead, sell my Krill vinyl

Cheekface is really good at taking common sayings and turning them on their head or making them mean something different all together, “and if winning’s half the battle / i’ll take the other half, it’s fine” is a perfect example of that. Plus there’s a Krill reference. Krill forever.

Emphatically No.

“Listen to Your heart.” “No.”

My hall of fame

And panic is the sport I play

We always play on Saturday

You and I both in uniform

Wherever we go, we take our big-ass folding chairs

I guarantee I was not the only one who burst out laughing at  “and panic is the sport I play.” It is a relatable lyric for lots of us, and making us laugh at ourselves makes us feel less alone. Plus the visual of taking big-ass folding chairs everywhere (CVS, the DMV, a Cheekface show) is hilarious.

“(I Don’t Want to Go to) Calabasas”

What makes a man want to be a referee, holding others to a standard that he does not meet?

My security deposit was not returned to me

Damage to the carpet is a matter of degrees 

I can’t stop thinking about the referee line. It’s so clever. I wake up in the middle of the night and say “yeah, what DOES make a man want to do that?” and then my cat tells me to go back to sleep.

“Original Composition”

Standing on an X: the X where you’ll watch the sun set on mankind

The exploded Spaghetti-O’s on the microwave window of the sky

Life itself is a pre-existing condition, an original composition, a limited edition, an invitation to return to the destination

Let’s see what chaos visited humanity today while I was on vacation

Here we are with another creative but correct metaphor, the end of us described as something we can immediately visualize but also winking at the meaninglessness of our existence to the rest of the vast universe. Yeah, the apocalypse is coming, but I have to go get some Spaghetti-O’s right now.

Too Much To Ask

“I Feel So Weird!”

Something familiar from every day starts to seem alien when you repeat it and repeat it and repeat it and repeat it

The difference between me and a dog is, I’m taller

Think about it. Just, think about it.

Lyrics about disassociating combined with that great dog punchline? Chef’s kiss.

“Featured Singer”

I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song

Wedding DJs will cringe when it is requested

Spin Magazine, The Needle Drop and Reader’s Digest won’t even review it

But kids will choreograph elaborate dances to my voice on TikTok

I do think that Cheekface could make an EDM song that the kids would dance to on TikTok. It would be the catchiest EDM song ever and The Alternative would definitely cover it. 

“Pledge Drive”

Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt

A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it

Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated (but not that hydrated)

No one is mad at me

No one is mad at me

No one is mad at me

No one is mad at me

The first line will make you laugh, the manic chanting of  “no one is mad at me” will have you and your rejection sensitivity dysphoria singing along.


A big cup of noodles!

A giant cup of noodles!

Greg screaming this at the top of his lungs at the climax of this song makes the whole album for me. Perfect song, 10/10.

Jami Fowler | @audiocurio

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