Chris Farren and Laura Stevenson Play A Game
Posted: by The Editor
Earlier this month we posted our review of Chris Farren’s wonderful new album Born Hot, a record that blends together the stylings of 70s singer-songwriters with synth-heavy power pop like The Rentals. I was lucky enough to have Chris and his friend, fellow musician Laura Stevenson, join me to play a pseudo-version of “The Newlywed Game”. For those who are unfamiliar, “The Newlywed Game” was a popular game show where married couples would try to predict how their spouse would answer a question to see how well the two knew each other. The two of them aren’t newlyweds, they’re both married to other people, but I figured that since the two have been good friends for a number of years it would be interesting to see how well the two of them actually know one another.
Round One: Laura will be going first each round, correct answers are worth five points each
Question 1: Which one of you will Chris say has a better fashion sense?
Laura Stevenson: He’s so nice to me, he might throw me a bone there. I’m gonna say Chris because we both know it’s true. I mean he’s got great jackets, great pants, he’s got it all.
Question 2: If Chris was a dog, what breed of dog would he be?
Laura: If Chris was a dog, what breed of dog would he be? Bulldog? Is that a bad answer? That’s a bad answer. They’re fun, they’re adorable, they’re full of life—I don’t think they live long though. So let’s not pick that one, I think they have a lot of respiratory problems. I’m gonna say like a fun mutt because they’re fun, they’re the perfect dog, I have no idea what he’s going to say so let’s go with fun mutt.
Question 3: How will Chris complete this sentence: Laura would never admit to liking *blank*, but the truth is she really does.
Laura: Uhh, what would I never admit to liking? I’m pretty straightforward with what I like, he knows it. Is this about a band? Is this about food?
Me: I really enjoy watching you go through the process.
Laura: Yeah, I like to work it out loud. I mean, I like what I like and he knows that. I’m just gonna say, I don’t know, Blink-182? *laughs*
Question 1: Chris, between you and Laura, which one of you has a better fashion sense?
Chris Farren: What would Laura say? I think Laura would say that I do.
Me: She said Chris so that’s five points for Laura.
Chris: Laura, you’ve got those cool pants though.
Laura: Which ones, the ones that don’t fit me anymore? Great.
Question 2: If Chris was a dog, what breed of dog would he be?
Chris: Okay, I don’t know if I’ve ever said this—no maybe this isn’t a good thing to say in an interview.
Laura: *laughs* Is this controversial?
Chris: Alright, then it’s not the thing that I usually say. Okay, I’m trying to think of how to dance around this, like some sort of very sexy, very sleek dog. Also, I don’t really know the names of dogs. Okay, so the dog I have in my head is tight. *laughs* It’s like, kind of little but not very tiny, muscular but not very stout. I don’t know the names of dogs.
Me: Did you just describe a dog as tight?
Laura: I know what he means.
Chris: Yeah, nothing droopy and not too much fur, a nice short cut. I envision myself tan, like the tan color of a dog, you know it’s almost orange really. Am I close to whatever Laura said?
Me: I don’t believe that you’ve named a breed of dog yet.
Chris: Okay, well I’m not gonna. I can’t.
Me: She said a fun mutt.
Laura: I freaked out. But, I think what you were describing could be in that category. Those are fun dogs, they’re sleek, I mean look at my dog she’s a mutt. So yeah, I’d say we got that one?
Me: Yeah, I’ll give it to you, I’m not going to argue with you. Five more points for Laura.
Question 3: Laura would never admit to liking *blank*, but the truth is she really does.
Laura: I panicked also. *laughs*
Chris: Laura would never admit to liking blank. I can’t think of anything that you have not admitted to me that you liked.
Me: That’s what she said when I asked her, by the way.
Chris: Like, TV? Is it a TV show?
Me: Can I give him a hint?
Me: It’s a band.
Chris: It’s a band? How interesting.
Laura: And I feel like I’ve admitted to liking this. I don’t know, I freaked out, give him the points.
Chris: It’s a band. And she likes it. And she admits it. Okay, one more hint please. Is it a new band or an older band?
Me: Older, but they’re still around.
Laura: They’ve got a new twist, it’s not Sublime with Rome.
Chris: Oh, is it Queen?
Me: It is not Queen, she said Blink-182.
Laura: I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t know what happened.
Chris: Alright, so I definitely did not get that one.
Laura: I didn’t get it either.
Laura: 10 Chris: 0
Question 1: If Laura won the lottery, what would she get you as a gift?
Chris: Okay, If Laura won the lottery what would she get me as a gift? Umm, maybe a bunch of pillows or a guitar? I guess let’s go with pillows.
Question 2: What song will Laura say is your guilty pleasure?
Chris: Probably the Austin Powers theme song.
Me: What do you like about that song, Chris?
Chris: I love the dancing associated with it and the film trilogy associated with it. Quincy Jones wrote it so that’s pretty cool.
Question 3: How will Laura complete this sentence: When I first met Chris, I thought he was a *blank*.
Chris: It’s something like nothing, like a nothing, just nothing. She might say a nice guy but what she will really be thinking is a nothing.
Question 1: If you won the lottery, what would you get Chris as a gift?
Chris: I went with my first instinct which is not something that I wanted to say, especially in an interview.
Laura: Is it something that you want?
Chris: I think it’s something that you would think would be funny to give me.
Laura: It’s not like a new car, hot tub, trampoline?
Chris: No, it’s something that’s an unfortunate aspect of my personality but only my close friends know about it.
Me: His answer just got a lot more interesting than I originally thought it was.
Laura: I know, now I’m like what could this be?
Chris: I literally will not expand upon my answer.
Laura: Is it something inflatable? What is expanding? Is this a hint?
Chris: No, I mean, you’re in an area.
Me: Was that a hint?
Laura: I don’t know where I am or if I want to be here. Maybe like a cool bouncy house that you can have? I’m freaking out.
Chris: I imagine that this would be a strange position to put you in now that I think about it.
Laura: I’m going bouncy house even though I know I’m not going to get this one.
Me: Chris said a bunch of pillows.
Laura: I like that that was your first thought, and that’s not even expensive. I’ve got a bunch of them here, I think I got them at my mom’s house for free.
Chris: *laughs* I didn’t think about how they’re not expensive.
Question 2: What song would you say is Chris’ guilty pleasure?
Laura: What’s that song that you kept putting on and you do it as your karaoke song? Am I on to something?
Chris: Karaoke song?
Laura: Yeah you were doing this weird song at our friend’s wedding and then you would always put it on. It’s not that though. Is it a Disney song?
Laura: Not anything from the Lion King?
Chris: It is a song from a movie.
Laura: Oh! Probably (imitates the chorus to “Shallow” by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.)
Chris: No, but that would be good too.
Me: I’ll give you a second shot.
Laura: Can I at least get a hint on the movie?
Chris: It’s a trilogy.
Laura: The Austin Powers theme song?
Chris: Yeah, baby.
Laura: I don’t remember the name of it, something like funky.
Chris: “Soul Bossa Nova”
Me: You got that correct so five points for Chris.
Question 3: When I first met Chris, I thought he was a *blank*.
Laura: I thought he was, I mean where did I first meet you? I think we were at Fest. I probably thought you were just a great guy. I remember bad first impressions because I feel like a lot of people who are my friends now it took a bit to get in there, ya know? You’ve got to sift through a lot of crap but with you it was right away.
Me: Chris said a nothing.
Laura: *laughs* Maybe a little bit of that too, he’s nothing, he’s not a threat to me.
Laura: 10 Chris: 5
Round Two: Correct answers are worth 10 points each
Question 1: Which actor will Chris say would play him in a movie about his life?
Laura: I want to say Tom Cruise because I know he loves the Mission Impossible movies. Is that crazy? That’s crazy. Oh, Orlando Bloom maybe, people tell him he looks like Orlando Bloom.
Me: I’m thinking Chris would probably want a younger actor, I think somebody like Tom Cruise is a little too old.
Laura: What about Timothée Chalamet?
Me: I think between that and Orlando Bloom, those are both good answers so go with your gut.
Laura: Does he know who Timothée Chalamet is? Yes he does, he saw that movie with Steve Carell, “Beautiful Boy”. I think if we’re casting now we want butts in the seat, we’re talking about big box office names, probably Timothée Chalamet but I don’t know if that’s the first person that he would think of. Not Zac Efron, he’s yesterday’s news as far as I’m concerned. Can we maybe pick both?
Laura: Here’s a good idea: for the younger years Timothée Chalamet and then the older years Orlando Bloom, like that Beach Boys movie where they had the young guy and then John Cusack. Yeah, let’s go with that.
Question 2: What toy will Chris say was his favorite as a child?
Laura: Not a pillow? *laughs* Remember those Pillow Pals where it was a pillow but it’s also like a person? Let’s go with that.
Question 3: How will Chris complete this sentence: If a baby grew up around me, it’s first word will be *blank*.
Laura: Uhh, I don’t know.
Me: Does Chris have a catchphrase?
Laura: He has so many so that’s what I’m running through my head right now. It used to be “baby”, baby was something that he said constantly and if this is a baby then it makes the most sense for this baby’s first word to be baby. Maybe Born Hot coming out October 11th?
Question 1: What actor would play you in a movie about your life?
Chris: Alright, can I ask if it is somebody that Laura has heard other people say that I look like?
Me: Can I give him a hint? It is a two-part answer, one for young Chris and one for older Chris, but you’ve got half of it right.
Chris: Young as in a little boy or me now? I am actually pretty young already.
Laura: Like teens and early twenties. He’s hot right now.
Chris: Hey Cassie, who’s a hot teenager right now? She refuses to answer.
Laura: Yeah, I think that’s incriminating.
Chris: Who’s hot right now?
Laura: I don’t think he’s a teenager right now, he’s probably in his early twenties.
Me: He’s probably old enough to drink but he looks very young.
Chris: It’s an actor? *laughs* I’m sorry one more question, is it a TV actor primarily or movie?
Chris: Movies, he loves to do them. Marvel movies perhaps?
Chris: He would never.
Me: I will keep giving you hints because I can’t say no to you, Chris. I would say he primarily does indie movies.
Chris: Young 20s man who primarily does indie films and he could play me in a movie, I’m talking to myself. What do you think, Cassie? He’s hot right now. I can not think of a single actor on earth right now. Laura, have you seen movies with this guy?
Laura: I’ve seen two.
Chris: Within the past two years?
Chris: Oh, what movies has Laura seen? Have you ever seen him with a moustache?
Laura: I think, I can’t remember now if he had a moustache in either of those two movies but I think he might have.
Chris: Is he a white guy with brown hair?
Laura: Yeah, like a light brown not quite blonde.
Chris: This is hard. Has this person ever been in a movie with Orlando Bloom as far as you know?
Me: I don’t think so.
Chris: And these movies you saw were they like fantasy movies?
Laura: You saw one of the movies because you told me about it and you said that it was long.
Chris: What movies are long these days? Is it Timothée Chalamet?
Laura: You know, he’s young and he’s hot right now, he could definitely play you as a teen.
Chris: What movie did I say was long?
Laura: That movie where Steve Carell is his dad.
Chris: Oh my god I hate that movie, that movie sucked.
Question 2: What toy was your favorite as a child?
Chris: Okay. Did you just guess or was there anything you were going off of?
Laura: It was a funny guess based off of something I was going off of.
Chris: Okay. *laughs* I don’t know, this is definitely not what Laura said but I don’t know what to do, but I’m going to say my big Ghostbusters house.
Laura: You had one of those?
Chris: Yeah, I got it as a reward for pooping for the first time. Not pooping for the first time but pooping in a toilet for the first time.
Me: Laura said Pillow Pal.
Chris: I don’t even know what that is.
Laura: They were little pillows that looked like people with hands, I don’t know.
Question 3: If a baby grew up around me, it’s first word would be *blank*.
Me: She almost went with that. She said Born Hot coming out October 11th.
Laura: 20 Chris: 5
Question 1: Which one of you will Laura say is the better chef?
Chris: I’m going to say she’s the better chef.
Me: Is there any competition?
Chris: I can make a hot dog on my George Foreman grill that my friend John Dedomenici bought me and I can make macaroni and cheese from the box.
Question 2: What is Laura’s go-to karaoke song?
Chris: I don’t know why I’m going to say this but maybe this will be it, “What If God Was One Of Us”
Me: Have you seen her perform that before?
Chris: No. The only time I can picture her doing karaoke is with me and we did “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood.
Me: That’s a great song. The first MP3 player I had growing up had one song on it and it was a parody of “What If God Was One Of Us” called “What If God Smoked Cannabis”
Chris: Hell yeah, that’s actually pretty funny.
Question 3: How will Laura complete this sentence: Before I met Chris I used to hate *blank*, but now I love it.
Chris: I don’t know if there’s anything that I’ve convinced here to like. What have I done to her? I don’t know if this would be anything, but let’s go with Fake Problems. *laughs* Let’s go with Fake Problems/Chris’ music.
Me: I really hope for your sake that you don’t get this one right.
Chris: Yeah, but it would be kind of funny.
Question 1: Which one of you is the better chef, you or Chris?
Laura: I feel like he would say me?
Me: He did, so that’s ten points for Chris.
Chris: Did you ever make that stew?
Laura: I did. It didn’t end up being very good so you might not have said that had you tried it. *laughs*
Question 2: What is your go-to karaoke song?
Laura: Well, what song did we do at that wedding and we instantly regretted it?
Chris: We talked about that.
Laura: It was a good idea but it was long.
Chris: “Higher Love”
Laura: Yeah, but we did a song from the Lion King, I think we did “Circle of Life” and it was really bad.
Chris: That song is long as hell, everybody was like “I don’t know this part at all”.
Laura: Yeah there was a bridge or something that wasn’t in the movie, so we just had to wing it and no one was entertained.
Chris: Coming from the two people at the wedding who make their living as singers.
Laura: And the audience was like “Fair enough.” By the audience I mean guests at the wedding.
Chris: They’re all audiences.
Laura: Everyone is an audience. My go-to karaoke song? “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!”
Me: No, Chris went with “What If God Was One Of Us”
Laura: That would be a good karaoke song.
Chris: Do you like doing karaoke?
Laura: Not really, my sister used to make me do it.
Chris: I don’t think there’s anything I hate more. If I’m somewhere, this doesn’t happen, but if I’m somewhere and somebody signs me up for karaoke, I just leave. I’m not going to wait around for that.
Laura: Yeah, it feels bad, it feels awful. I don’t know how anybody enjoys it. Oh, I have music on a karaoke thing, two of my songs. I should have said that! That would have been good promo.
Question 3: Before I met Chris I used to hate *blank*, but now I love it.
Laura: Oh no, I have no idea. Can we narrow it down? Is it an experience?
Laura: Okay, it’s something very specific. Is it an activity?
Laura: Is it related to music?
Laura: Uh, is it Burt Bacharach?
Me: No, but I’ll give you a second shot.
Chris: It would definitely not be something that you would say.
Laura: *laughs* Perfect!
Chris: But it’s possible that at some point in your mind this has been true. Honestly, I just thought it was funny.
Laura: Is it an artist?
Laura: I just don’t know. Skrillex?
Me: Chris said Fake Problems/his own music.
Laura: 20 Chris: 15
Final Round: Correct answers are worth 25 points each
Final Question: How will Chris complete this sentence: If Jeff Rosenstock was a candy bar he would be a *blank*.
Laura: Is Good Humor a type of candy bar?
Me: I think that’s ice cream.
Laura: Let me think. Snickers, because he’s always got funny jokes? What other types of candy bars are there?
Me: There’s Butterfingers.
Laura: I don’t know though, because it always looks like something terrible is going to happen but Jeff really knows where he exists in space, like on stage he never falls. But he does lose things a lot. Uhh, let’s just run though all the candy bars that have ever been made. Baby Ruth of course.
Me: 100 Grand, Almond Joy, Three Musketeers.
Laura: That’s a good one because it could be the three of us! Milky Way, uhh, because he likes milk? I don’t know, I don’t think Three Musketeers is a candy bar people think of when they think of candy bars.
Me: It’s one of my favorites.
Laura: Oh really? So that’s nougats and chocolate and not much else, right? Maybe let’s go with that, I’m freaking out. No, I’m going to go with Snickers because he’s always got good jokes.
Me: I think that’s a fine answer. This is worth 25 points so I want you to be absolutely sure.
Laura: I think maybe Snickers is a bad idea. Three Musketeers is good, let’s go with that. I’m stressed out.
Final Question: Finish the sentence: If Jeff Rosenstock was a candy bar, he would be a *blank*.
Chris: I want to say 100 Grand because he’s so rich.
Me: Is that your final answer?
Chris: No. Okay, what kind of candy bars are there? There’s Snickers of course, Twix, Whatchamacallit, Butterfingers, Kit-Kat, have I said it? Okay, is it chocolate?
Laura: What’s the one that’s not chocolate, that just has the peanuts? It’s not that one.
Chris: It’s a Payday.
Laura: What’s the really good one that has pretzel pieces in it? That’s not it either. It’s like the adult one, Take 5. Have you ever had one of those? They’re really good.
Chris: So this is a candy bar, it’s bar shaped?
Me: It’s not M&M’s and it’s not a Sixlet.
Me: You don’t know what a Sixlet is? They’re sort of like an M&M they’re little tiny candy coated balls. They’re real, I’m not lying.
Laura: I don’t believe it.
Chris: I don’t believe it either. So, is it a popular candy bar?
Laura: I think so.
Me: It’s not an obscure candy.
Chris: Is it a movie theatre candy?
Me: I don’t think so.
Chris: Golly. Can you say something that’s in it other than chocolate?
Me: I will give you the ingredients. Chocolate covered, fluffy, whipped nougat.
Chris: Milky Way? Did I already say Milky Way? Hold on, I’m thinking. What kind of candy bar is that? [Chris asks Cassie off camera] Okay, thank you. I have a guess. Three Musketeers.
Me: Correct. I can’t believe you got that on your first guess.
Chris: I know, all on my own too.
Laura: Without any clues. *laughs* I was going to say Snickers, that was my original thought, and then he helped me, he gave me Three Musketeers, and now you’re all caught up.
Final Question: How will Laura complete this sentence: When Jeff Rosenstock wakes up in the morning, the first thing he thinks about is *blank*.
Chris: Gosh, that’s a good question. I think the first thing he would think about is everything piled on top of each other, just like a cacophony of tasks and noise.
Me: Do you think that’s what Laura will guess?
Chris: It’s either what I said or just music. He dreams his songs, I don’t know if you’ve seen his big movie, my movie actually. I’m in it, Laura’s in it too.
Me: The documentary?
Chris: Yeah, my documentary about me and he’s also in it. Never Get Tired, that’s my titular line, this guy never gets tired.
Me: I didn’t realize that was a movie about you.
Chris: That’s okay, a lot of people don’t get it. *laughs* I’m going to lock in my answer with everything all at once.
Final Question: When Jeff Rosenstock wakes up in the morning, the first thing he thinks about is *blank*.
Laura: We’ve got to narrow this down a little bit.
Chris: It’s kind of conceptual.
Laura: Conceptual, so it’s about making something? Is it about writing music? Help me.
Me: The correct answer is I guess all encompassing.
Laura: Just like life.
Me: Go broader.
Laura: Broader than existence? *laughs* Uhh, the universe? God? *laughs*
Chris: That would be funny.
Laura: Every morning he says his little prayers. Hmm, so it’s broader than existence as we know it?
Chris: Kind of, it’s just something that feels like in line with Jeff’s personality.
Laura: I don’t know, can you give me any hints further than that.
Chris: I’m trying to think of how, this is a hard one to give hints.
Laura: So this is like an existential thing?
Chris: In a way it is all of the things that you’ve said.
Laura: Life, existence, God, the universe. I have no idea. So it encompasses all of those ideas?
Chris: It encompasses anything that you will say.
Me: Chris said everything all at once, so you are correct.
Winner: Tie. I Could Never Choose Between the Two of Them
Michael Brooks // @nomichaelbrooks
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